Moan for me like Helen Keller
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
