I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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