Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
