There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
