Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
