I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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