i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
