Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
