Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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