those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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