You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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