can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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