at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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