just tell him i said nine months
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
