I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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