remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
