hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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