I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
