Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
