How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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