i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
