So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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