he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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