Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
