Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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