remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
