remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
