Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
