So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
4 words: hood of his car
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
