My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You can't special order awesome
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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