Duck Duck Cougar?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
