i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize