and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
