So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
