I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize