Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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