whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
