Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize