Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
