HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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