Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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