Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
