I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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