drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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