Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
