Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
