Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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