I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
