You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
