today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
