i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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