he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
