I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
