glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
