when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
