meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize