I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
