youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
