even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
