i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
