OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
