We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize