I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
