we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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