Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
