Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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