So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
