Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
