Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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