Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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