I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
