I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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