So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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