What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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