my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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