Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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