We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
