Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
