I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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