This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
