The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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