i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
