Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
