New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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